When you’re ticked off, it’s tempting to immediately text your mom or best friend to rehash all the gory details. But new research suggests that venting actually doesn’t work to help you calm down—and it may actually make things worse.
The findings contradict the way most people respond to anger, but taking a different approach can make a big difference in how you feel in the aftermath, Brad J. Bushman, PhD, study co-author and a professor of communication at The Ohio State University, tells SELF. “Just ranting about what happened with a friend is a bad idea,” he says.
Of course, it’s only human to have a reaction when you’re angry. So, what’s the best way to work through this? Here’s what research—and mental health professionals—suggest.
For the study, which was published in the journal Clinical Psychological Review, researchers analyzed 154 studies on anger that included more than 10,000 people. After crunching the data, they found little evidence that venting helped when people were upset, and that it may increase angry feelings. (You probably have a solid idea of what venting is, but Dr. Speakman says his team defined it as people expressing their anger verbally or physically, like kicking a punching bag, hitting a pillow, ranting, screaming, or swearing.)
The researchers also discovered that doing things like going for a run when you’re angry also didn’t help—it only kept people feeling worked-up. Instead, the only thing that brought anger levels back down was doing things that helped to calm and quiet the mind.
While venting is a go-to strategy for most people, there are a few reasons why it doesn’t work. “When people are angry, their arousal level increases,” Dr. Bushman says. “Venting just makes it go higher.”
Venting “doesn’t encourage things like problem-solving, taking a different view on things, and radical acceptance,” Aaron P. Brinen, PsyD, assistant professor of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences at Vanderbilt University Medical Center, tells SELF. “It’s just continuing to fuel the anger and aggression,” he adds.
Venting also tends to go hand-in-hand with rumination, which is when you keep going over the same negative thoughts, Dr. Bushman says. “That’s like using gasoline to try to put out a fire,” he says. “It’s a very ineffective and destructive way to manage anger. It’s the worst thing you can do.”
The big goal in the immediate aftermath of being upset should be to try to calm down, according to Dr. Bushman. “That’s why going for a run doesn’t work,” he says. “While it may be good for your heart, it’s not good to manage anger. It keeps those arousal levels high and anything that increases arousal is a bad idea.”
Instead, he recommends leaning on things like mindfulness meditation, breathing techniques, and yoga. “All of these are very effective, not only in reducing stress, but feelings of anger,” he says. Dr. Bushman says he regularly leans on the 4-7-8 breathing technique, which involves inhaling slowly through your nose for a count of four, holding your breath for a count of seven, and exhaling slowly through your mouth for a count of eight.
Since you’re unlikely to fold into downward dog when you’re angry at the office, Dr. Brinen stresses the importance of doing these practices all the time, not just when you’re upset. “Regularly practicing these trains your brain to have distance from experiences,” he explains. As a result, you can switch into that mode after something ticks you off to help calm your mind and body, he says.
But all of this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk about how you’re feeling, Thea Gallagher, PsyD, clinical associate professor of psychology at NYU Langone Health, tells SELF. “There can be a productive way to feel your feelings, express what you’re frustrated about, and see what you can do about it or lean into radical acceptance,” she says.
Dr. Gallagher suggests doing what you can to first calm down when you’re upset, and allowing yourself space to think about how you’re feeling. “You can ask yourself, ‘Why am I feeling this way? Is it because the situation is causing one more stressor that threw me over the edge? Is it triggering something from the past?’ Understanding that is important,” she says.
If you like to talk things out, she recommends trying to talk about what happened in a way that’s productive, like working with a friend to try to find a solution or acceptance of the situation. “There is space for empathy and exploring our feelings without venting,” she says.
Dr. Bushman agrees. “We should talk about chronic problems that make us angry,” he says. “But ranting isn’t the way to go.”
